It is important to change your mindset and realize that all of the things you’ve lost after a break up are things a person doesn’t realize they had.
Each one of us at a certain point in life loses someone that meant a lot to them – a significant other, a friend, family member …
Today we are going to talk about the emotional loss, not the physical one. We are talking about breakups that leave traces in our lives. There are all relationships that hurt us and end up with a lot of unanswered questions.
The hardest part of ending a relationship is the fact that we cannot accept this end as anything possible, even if it helps us grow in some way.
After a break up our self-esteem is usually destroyed.
A lot of people blame themselves for the end of a certain relationship. This is the start of a chain of destructive thoughts and a strong feeling of guilt. They think the following way: ‘’I could have done something differently’’, ‘’I don’t deserve to be loved’’, ‘’I was not good enough for this person…’’
Let’s get one thing straight – getting over the pain after the end of a relationship means controlling the way we think.
Your biggest enemy is yourself. When it comes to emotional loss, which is present in breakups for example, we tend to be extremely harsh on ourselves.
And this is something that doesn’t really help. Here are a few simple but also effective strategies for controlling your thoughts.
What you have lost, what is behind your back and what will help you to keep moving forward
People are more vulnerable than they think.
It today’s world we just put on masks and act as if we can handle everything by ourselves. It helps us believe that nothing can hurt us.
A point in life comes when we actually start to believe this because we have healthy happy relationships.
Our close friends, family relations and happy romantic relationships make us fly, give us strength and optimism.
However, sometimes if one of these things suddenly goes missing, it becomes the reason for everything else crashing down.
Out of the sudden, we become prisoners of our negative emotions. They take control over us because we don’t know what to do, how to act and what to say.
It feels like we are losing the ground below our feet. We cannot stop thinking about the loss, the break up or the person that is no longer part of our lives… And we cannot realize why.
Never beg for love
First and foremost, you need to understand that all negative emotions, such as anger, desperation, sadness and fear, come in our lives for a reason. They show us the reality so that we could react adequately to the ‘’danger’’
- Negative emotions are instincts. They point our attention to what is going to happen.
- If it is clear to us that the other person doesn’t love us anymore, there is nothing more destructive than begging for another chance.
- Breakups are painful. We need to embrace the sadness, cry and be alone with our thoughts.
- Later, we will accept what happened and move forward.
Focusing on the past and on things that ‘’could have happened’’ does not help you. It only makes the pain last longer.
Others lost you, not the other way around
You didn’t lose anybody, they have lost you. This mindset does not make you self-centered. It just gives you emotional strength. Remember:
- If someone does not fit in with your hopes and dreams; if they don’t appreciate you; if they don’t respond to your love, attention and kindness then this person should regret losing you, not the other way around.
- You are not to blame for this loss.
- There is no point in being ashamed and blaming yourself. Don’t think you need to change to fulfil other people’s expectations.
- Never lose yourself and the unique qualities that make you who you are. If somebody doesn’t like you is their problem, not yours. If they can’t understand you there is no point in blaming yourself.
Keep nurturing your self-love. Keep taking care of your self-esteem and do not lose your best qualities just because other people cannot appreciate them. You have worked really hard to become who you are.
Don’t lose your identity just because you have lost somebody
Why would you lose your identity? Never stop loving yourself only because somebody decided to take another way, while you had hoped they would stay.
- If you choose to stop taking care of yourself or to neglect your heart, you will become a prisoner of sadness.
- You will become a prisoner of the person who said ‘’no’’ to you and closed the door in front of you.
- Finish this chapter of your life and get away from the suffering.
- Get away and get to know yourself again.
- Do not look for new love to compensate for the old one. It will not make you feel better or forget.
The best thing you could do is to let time heal you and learn what makes you happy. Find out what is important for you and chase your dreams.
What you have lost no longer exists for you. It is in the past. There are happiness and new hope waiting for you.
You will find them if you want them strong enough.