Sadly, a lot of people live believing they don’t deserve to be happy. The causes for this can be different – unhappy childhood or maybe a series of unfortunate events in their personal or work lives. These events take away our hope and make it seem as our lives are never going to become better. As a result, we start living in a way that only reinforces these ideas.
We could only help ourselves by realizing that these thoughts are inaccurate and stop us from releasing our full potential. You form a lot of your negative perceptions about the world while you are a child. Maybe you grew up as an outsider or maybe your parents were cold and harsh to you.
Such experiences could make you believe that you were born to fail and lose. As a result, you are subconsciously going to try and find evidences for that your whole life. Moreover, when you get a confirmation of the opposite (for example a promotion), you are only going to diminish these achievements. This is going to only reinforce your belief that you are a loser.
This is the way your brain works – it turns your strongest beliefs into reality. This happens not because these beliefs are true but because they influence the way you think, behave and interpret the events in your life. These thoughts turn themselves into a reality. If you are convinced you cannot handle the stress, you are never going to get out of your comfort zone.
As a result, you are never going to do anything you are unsure about and are always going to avoid situations that might cause you distress. If you believe nobody likes you, you are going to subconsciously avoid social contacts. As a result, the less you talk to people, the fewer relationships you are going to form. The fewer relationships you form, the stronger you will believe you are incapable to build strong friendships.
The list of examples is endless… How could you get rid of those beliefs if you’ve spent the last 30 years believing you are a loser? Simply repeating to yourself ‘’I am a winner’’ is not going to help. You cannot get rid of this belief so easily. Instead, you will have to dispute these beliefs and convince yourself they are wrong. Try to experiment with yourself. If you think of yourself as too shy and find it difficult to make friends, try to change your behaviour drastically – smile and try to act friendly. This doesn’t mean to act fake; just show a different side of yourself. Be nice, kind and positive.
Observe others and follow their example – how do they start a conversation and how do they offer their help? Be brave and experiment – talk to someone and offer your help. Don’t give up. Even if you lose your bravery keep going towards achieving your goal. If you are at a social gathering don’t stay in the corner. Make an effort to talk to people around you. Instead of worrying that you are going to look bad or talk nonsense, just relax. Nobody is perfect and nobody is immune to making mistakes.
You need to keep trying. After a while, you will notice that communication will become easier. It takes time to get rid of your negative beliefs and build new ones. Your mind can be very helpful but also very damaging. The negative opinion you have of yourself is your biggest enemy in terms of achieving your dreams, career goals, building strong relationships and friendships.
Everybody has certain beliefs about themselves that are not true. In order to determine yours take your time and think about what kind of person you think you are. Ask yourself what stops you from making your dreams come true – actual reasons or your own fear and doubts. Usually, your beliefs prevent you from living the life you dream of, not your incapability to do something. The good news is that with a little extra time and effort you can change the way your mind works. You can develop it to become the tool necessary to help you make your dreams come true, not the one preventing you from releasing your full potential.